There is no invention in all of human history that has had a greater impact on the course of history than the wheel. Without it, cheese would only come in giant bricks, Vanna White would be unemployed and if you wanted to get from point A to point B you better hope there is a slip and slide headed in your direction. This being the case I decided to make the rounds and learn that way of the wheel.
To get a deeper understanding of this critical piece of human innovation I decided to learn something that every person should know to do. Learn how open a Natty Ice with just your teeth? No! That should be Natty instinct Fool! I learned how to correctly change the dreaded flat tire. After rallying some co-workers with the promise of beer and meat we headed to the garage of Patrick to practice this lost art.
The foremost thing you need to remember while changing a tire is to not do it in the middle of the road. Many a raccoon and farm cat have been taught this lesson the hard way, so pulling way off to the shoulder is key.
Next pop that trunk, shove all the empties to one side and whip out that spare tire. Once your shirt is off the traffic will actively go out of their way too avoid you at all costs and you will be free to take the wheel out of your trunk.
Take the jack out of the trunk as well and start jacking off blown tire. Be sure to not loose any of the nuts as these are quite important. If you are lucky enough to have someone with you, you can ask them to clasp your nuts for the time being. Be sure to thank him after!
Next, throw that old tire, along with any Kirstie Alley films in your possession, into the nearest ditch and slap on that new wheel. Tighten the nuts in a star shaped pattern in order to ensure equal disbursement, toss up your favorite gang sign, and drive off like the boss you are.
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